ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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