So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
