Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
