Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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