when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
