Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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