My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
