Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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