Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
