This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
