Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
