I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
