Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
