I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
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Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
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Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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