ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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