accomplished twins. life is a go
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
