let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
