I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
