Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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