my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I feel great
I just peed on a car
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
