Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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