You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
