Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
YAS. BRING CRAB.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
