I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
