"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
