Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
