So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
