Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
