filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
