He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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