My Higher Power is John Stamos
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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