my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
