It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
