batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
