just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
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I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
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I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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