Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just had sex bonerless
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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