I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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