Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
