Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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