We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
