it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
