After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
