No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
