You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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