Cold hands, warm shart.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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