dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
