I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
