The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
