Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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