Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
