I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
