I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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