I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
