I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
