her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
