His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
