This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
