You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
