I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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