sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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