Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
