we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
