I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
