I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize