I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
