shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
