Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
