Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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