I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
