So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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