I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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