dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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