people are starting to question the shark bite story
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
