Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
