What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
