I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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