I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
