4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
